So the other day I found out that one of my friends was a vegan. She must’ve been vegan for quite a while because the recent induction of vegans can’t wait to talk about their new found eating habits whilst judging everybody else. “You’re eating meat! Ewwww, that’s so disgusting”… b*sh you was eating a medium rare steak just last week now you’re trying to act brand new. “My body’s a temple and I must treat it that way”… bro you smoke weed daily and now you’ve developed paranoia about ‘the system’, a mixed grill is the least of your worries. Why do non-meat eaters gotta be so loud about their dietary choices, is that a part of the recruitment campaign? For every person you convert to veganism, you get a bag of carrots or something? Alright Bugs Bunny, no wonder you’re so eager!
I remember going meat-free for like a couple hours or so.. wasn’t too bad to be honest. Only problem was there aren’t too many substitutes once you take meat out of the equation. Imagine coming back from a long day at work and whipping up a bowl of aubergines for dinner… your stomach will be growling in your sleep! Stomach sounding like the generators in Nigeria when NEPA takes light. Darling, just munch on a cheeseburger and live life. Worst case scenario you can mock up these ‘faux meat’ recipes. You heard that correctly, people are giving up sausages just to eat food which resembles sausages… that’s sausages-XS, even Apple will be proud of that one. “I drink way too many cocktails so I’m going to splash out on mocktails” no-one said ever. I guess that way you’ll confuse your brain into thinking this is something you’d actually enjoy!
Recently to be fair, I’ve been seeing more and more evidence that meat isn’t good for your body. It apparently can have an adverse effects on your mindset especially when it’s processed. Although I have no evidence whatsoever to justify my next sentence.. that’s all nonsense. Complete baloney… (you see what I did there?). Especially with someone like me from African descent, my fathers and fore-fathers ate meat on a regular basis with no problems of note, but now you wanna tell me there’s an issue? Wasn’t it not too long ago that carbs were the villains and people were jumping on the gluten-free diets? One day a scientist will convince us that water negatively affects our brain cells and have guys drinking Hennessy with every meal. Henny-thing is possible I suppose. Life probably wouldn’t be too dissimilar if I’m honest ‘cos most of y’all be drinking on every occasion possible, judging by some of you guys dress sense. All these ‘cool’ Instagram fashion kids nowadays dress like King from Tekken 3 but we’re not ready for that conversation.
You heard that correctly, people are giving up sausages just to eat food which resembles sausages… that’s sausages-XS, even Apple will be proud of that one.
In all seriousness though, there are the people who’ve given up meat due to the conditions that some animals are housed in. Now I’m not gonna front, I’m yet to complete one of those “do you know where your food comes from” videos just encase you catch me in Sainsbury’s buying a whole load of Quorn products the following week, which I accept is a very rudimentary way of seeing things. But with that said, surely we have to maintain this energy for all areas of our life? I’m sure the lil’ kids who stitch up your Nike trainers in sweatshops aren’t living in the best conditions neither! (NB; please remind me to remove the previous sentence if Nike end up endorsing me in the future). Two wrongs don’t make a right but I’m sure you won’t be as confident with Diadora’s on your feet. Anyways, you’re entitled to live however you wanna’ live and eat whatever you wanna’ eat I suppose. Blame Noah, he brought the chickens on the ark not me bro. How he let those darn mosquitoes sneak on is beyond me but beggars can’t be choosers I suppose!
Joe
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