Week one of self-isolation… no, I haven’t tested positive for the Coronavirus (COVID-19) but work aren’t taking any chances and have told staff to work from home on a two week cycle. I’ve finally hit that level of paranoia where I’m taking decisive actions regarding my movements and interactions. The trigger wasn’t even the ever rising death toll that the UK was reporting.. nor was it the internal comms from work saying a couple staff members had tested positive. Rather it was the announcement that Chelsea winger Callum Hudson-Odoi contracted the virus too. Of all the fake news I’ve heard about Coronavirus, the one snippet of hope I was holding onto was that black people couldn’t be infected. Now that myth was well and truly debunked and I’ve realised it’s every man for themselves… you only need to look at your local supermarkets to see what I’m saying. Toilet paper, gone; hand wash, gone; hand sanitisers, gone; shower gel, fully stocked *sigh*. Even in the midst of a crisis, certain guys odour is still running rife. On the packed central line journey, you don’t even know if it’s the Corona or a man’s b.o. which is making you feel nauseous.
Some theorists suggest that this all started with a man who ate a bat… sounds like a poor Dr. Seuss novel. Do you know how many animals you need to bypass before you get to bat? Those little critters don’t even have meat on their wings, no fat just keratin. Other theories I’ve heard suggest the virus originated from Pangolins and yes, I had to Google them too. Sounding like a ground-type Pokémon. What part of the world are you close enough to encounter a Pangolin; I would’ve definitely put them in the category of mythical creature. Regardless of where it originated from, Corona has spread like wildfire and is now affecting our day to day lives. I had a trip booked to Madrid at the end of the month but now that the Spanish are living la vida loca, that’s been well and truly cancelled. But the hassle I had to go through to get my refund! So many back and forths with the hotel until the receptionist finally confirmed, “we won’t actually be open during the time of your arrival due to Coronavirus”… so you’re telling me that you weren’t aware of the imposed lockdown within your own country? Knowing my luck I would’ve flown all the way to Madrid, found out my hotel was closed and turned around to be confronted by a wild group of Pangolins.
Never did I ever think there’ll come a time where I’ll be eyeing a man’s face mask on my commute wondering about its cost and durability. “Bro, can I get the Amazon link for your mask, is that one on Prime?” I’m convinced some of these lot had their masks even before Corona hit the streets though, one of those ‘just in case’ type purchases. Some of these heavy-duty industrial masks I’m seeing wrapped around people’s faces tells me that Corona was the least of their problems. They’re rocking them World War 2 masks.. those masks that were passed down from generation to generation, received that like inheritance. Admittedly I tried to purchase my own but “mask sellers” online are just popping out like acne, tryna’ make a quick profit. Selling the flimsiest masks that won’t even protect you from bad breath. And most of these masks are being made in areas where Corona has been Candy dancing up and down the cities for months, that’s self-sabotage.
Isn’t it sad that it’s taken a whole epidemic to get people to wash their hands? I’ve even found myself locking eyes with people in public restrooms whilst washing my hands, as though it’s a competition as to who can wash their hands for the longest. Two weeks ago common Barry from Scunthorpe was skipping the sinks altogether, but now he’s trying to make a statement. The fact that hand wash and sanitisers are sold out everywhere tells me that cleaning your hands is a new phenomenon for some of you people. But not even in a global crisis have Lidl managed to get their ‘Cien’ handwash brand off the shelves. When I saw how stocked that brand was, I knew it was one to avoid. F*ck about using that now you’re battling with COVID-20, that’s a whole new problem. And can someone explain why toilet paper has become the hoarding item of choice? Corona has made people hyperaware that they need to clean their cheeks all of a sudden. The lack of community spirit and focus on self-preservation is there for all to see. The only thing frightening me more than Corona is the lack of common sense being displayed. Can’t even blow my nose now ‘cos Katherine and Hannah stocked up for the rest of the year.
Even as a man of faith, I’m happy my church has taken special precautions in the midst of all this. Can’t be sharing the wine chalice and infecting the masses. Don’t let some of these pastors fool you into thinking prayer alone will keep you safe. Next Sunday you’ll realise service is cancelled ‘cos your pastor has been quarantined and is now requesting a large donation in order to be healed. It’s so weird, as a self-proclaimed introvert the concept of staying at home used to appeal to me but in the midst of being told to self-isolate, I’ve developed a sudden urge to be amongst the masses. Tryna’ be outside and bump into a couple Pangolins. As scary as this whole period is, my main concern is not myself. Unfortunately, the impact of this virus is being seen amongst those 50+ and people with underlying health conditions. These latest developments are quite concerning and it’s important we follow the advice of the World Health Organisation (WHO) regarding how we progress with this situation. God bless the health professionals who’ve been putting their lives at risk to help others, your contribution has not gone unnoticed.
I’ve attached a link to the World Health Organisation’s advice on Coronavirus, symptoms to be made aware of and how to avoid catching or spreading the virus. It’ll take a collective effort to reduce the spread, let’s all do our collective part.
Joe
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